Tragedy on the 4th of July and What I Learned
By Darlene Braden, Best Selling Author
Helplessness is one of the most difficult emotions to sort through and understand. Fear and anger seem to have a more tangible conclusion and remedy, but helplessness goes deep into the meaning of life and attempts to destruct the soul, manifesting as self-sabotage.
I lived through a helpless tragedy last night, the eve of the 4th of July 2007. At about 11:30 PM the phone rang and I immediately wondered who would be calling so late. My caller ID said it was from Kathy, my good friend and neighbor, and I anxiously answered the phone. Kathy said, “Have you looked outside?” I said that I was in my office checking email and filing some client files. She said, “The whole neighborhood is in your yard because the entire mountain is on fire.” My husband and I ran outside to see a blaze that was as big as a crater about 30 acres wide, overtaking the slope.
As mentioned in my “What Stops You?” book, I live at about 5000 elevated feet across the frontage road from jutting mountains that ascend to about 7000 feet on the front peak and 8000 on the back peak. My favorite place in the world is on my swing on my back patio that sets my gaze directly upon the jagged rocks of the mountain’s face. The trees in my yard frame the portrait perfectly for a magnificent breathtaking experience. It is often my place of refuge and inspiration to write my books.
My mountain on fire? My mountain being destroyed? My view being tormented to ashes and coal? As we watched the scenario unfold from our side yard, the hubbub and mayhem escalated; fire engines, sirens, cops, flashlights, and onlooker’s panic. I realized that all my neighbors considered that mountain theirs as well. “We live here and pay the mortgage for that view!” they said. My heart sank. My piece of pleasure, my treat at the end of the day, my serene scene being engulfed as I stood there; nothing I could do.
There was talk of evacuation for the nearby houses. What would I take? My kids were out and about, not at home so they were OK. My favorite dog died a few months ago and he was not there… I would take my pictures and my computer. Should I run in and gather or should I act as relaxed and entertained as the teenagers standing around saying, “Cool.”
Inside my heart, sadness took over. 55 firefighters started the war against the heat and rage. Because it was so late, the helicopters with water were going to come in the morning. The morning? What? The whole mountain will be gone by then. Looking up, we saw brave firemen climbing and scaling the hill with shovels, flashlights and courage. They were excellently trained to dig a trench along the bottom edge to create a fire wall. Finally our homes were out of danger, but the torch continued up and over the peak only to ravish the other side into the gully.
It is now 7:30 PM on July 4th. Almost 25 hours later, I still hear helicopters carrying water from a man-made pool that the fighters created, that held water for their huge baskets to carry over the hill. The smoke is dissipating and the frenzy is completing; only a smoldering site remains. It will take 2 years to start to mend and 5 years to display a green view again.
As my husband and I walked back inside, I started to wilt. “Why do the things I love most, the simple things that bring me pleasure get taken away? Since my dog was killed, who was also a great treat to me at the end of the day, my mind has not been as nimble and I begin to fall into thinking patterns that are limiting. My husband said, “Honey, what stories are you writing in your mind?” Alas, again a family member slaps me back into reality; back to no nonsense and back to remembering that I wrote a book about thinking strategies. I well know and teach that depression comes from focusing on things we don’t have instead of what we do have. I know that what we focus on we give power to. I know that we are limited by looking at something in only one way and stepping back causes a greater perspective of wisdom. I know that it is not what happens to us that causes our problems; it’s how we think about what happens that causes our problems.
Now I sit alone on my swing, without my little dog Beau by my side, looking at a charred scene. All of a sudden I magically begin to see the whole landscape behind the first hill; the second mountain rising. Hmm, I had always focused on the front ridge. I begin to see things I hadn’t noticed before. I then realize that God is with me even though my dog isn’t. My family supports me and you are all my friends. I am indeed not alone. It is not just positive thinking that pulls me out of my despair; it is looking at the same problem from a different angle. Thanks to my maneuverable brain, I can find joy in any situation. I find myself in the present moment with my health, a good BBQ’d steak in my belly and passion for tomorrow’s adventures. I have decided to choose the life I want and live the life I choose. On occasion it is OK to cry, yet as future sunsets glare on my mountain for years to come, it will remind me that I have choice to see beyond the dark colors and past what seems to be obvious. Opportunity awaits all of us, by overcoming self-sabotage deep inside our minds.
Power to you in your tragedies and sorrow, power to you in finding that “choice of thoughts and actions” are the most powerful gifts we have been given in this life.
Cheers,
Darlene
My gift to you; receive your FREE** copy of “Create the Life You Want, using the Power of the Balance Living Wheel” By Darlene Braden at:
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Do You Argue With Yourself?
By Darlene Braden, CHTDo you find that periodically during the day you have debates with yourself? Are you constantly discussing matters with yourself in order to make appropriate decisions? Doesn’t it seem that if you didn’t have to spend this time arguing with yourself you could spend more quality time making money?
Let’s look at common conflicts that you may be experiencing and see which ones seem to hit home. Examples of both personal and professional internal conflicts include:
• Part of me wants to be good and serve God, yet part of me is mad at God be cause...
• Part of me wants to read this article and learn more, yet part of me feels that it won’t do any good, or I’m too busy.
• Part of me wants to be a business person, and part of me wants to be a stay-at-home mom/dad.
• Part of me likes my coworkers, and part of me does not.
• Part of me wants to exercise, but part of me wants to rest and eat.
• Part of me loves my spouse, but part of me wants to find a new partner.
• Part of me wants to get up early and get a lot done, but part of me wants to sleep in.
• Part of me wants to start my own com pany, but part of me wants to work for someone else and leave all the administra tive stuff to them.
• Part of me wants to go to the networking meeting to get new clients, and part of me is afraid to present my product.
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Many people walk around in conflict to some degree for most of their day. For example, let’s say that part of you wants to go to the movies with your kids and spend quality time with them. This part of you knows that they will grow up soon and you enjoy watching them have fun, but the other part of you wants to stay home and get your work projects done. The deadline is coming soon and if your kids were at a movie with someone else, you would have the time to concentrate and be productive. What should you do?
In any conflict you need to take these three steps:
1. Recognize the conflict and acknowledge it. Know what conflicts you are having and write them down.
2. Give attention to both sides looking at the intent underneath the desire. Ask yourself, “Where does this intent come from?”
3. What are you going to do about it? How can you compromise?
Once you acknowledge that both sides present a good outcome, you may realize that slick time management may solve the problem. Make the time to focus and get some work done, clear the two hours and then go enjoy the kids.
What kind of conflicts do you feel? What kinds of lectures do you give yourself? With a little practice and planning, most of the time you will find a way to fulfill both sides of your conflict, without having to give in to one side or the other.
Are Your Beliefs Moving You to Action?
By Darlene Braden, CHTIs a belief real or not? Think about it. The definition of real is something that can be documented by science and is tangible and testable.
If I believe that the world is scary, am I right? I am to myself, but not to science. My neighbor may believe that the world is fun and full of opportunity. Is she right? To herself, yes, but it can’t be proven by science. With this information, we can conclude that beliefs are not real ! So if beliefs are not even real, then we must be able to change them . Let me explain.
Because our perceptions are not real, we are all walk ing around with our own reality in our own little private worlds with all our meanings and stories about ourselves, others, and beliefs about the world.
Even memories of our past are not real. If a football was in the middle of the room and someone moved it, it would no longer be here, would it? We may have a memory of the football, but it is not real at all now.
So if this is the case, why do past events still seem so real right now? Why do you feel rejected, sad or traumatized just by remembering an event? If it is not real, is in the past and is not present now, why does one feel the emotion years, decades, and possibly a half century later?
The answer is quite simple. Our experiences cause us to attach meanings and beliefs to the stimulus (a memory, thought, smell, sound or even a place). These feelings are coded in our physical bodies. When we come across a specific memory or other stimuli, those meanings, beliefs and feelings resurface.
Are any of these limiting beliefs familiar?
• I am not capable in business.
• I don’t deserve money.
• Money is hard to get.
• I am not good enough.
• I am not talented.
• Others abandon me.
• Other people are lucky in business.
• The world is out to get me.
Take a moment now to realize that these statements are beliefs . Although beliefs may feel, sound and look real, they are not real !
How much more successful will you be when you believe:
• There is a lot of money out there.
• I am capable of some things.
• I am good enough for the things I am good at.
• I am talented at some things.
• Others support me.
• I am lucky in business.
• The world supports all my dreams.
Look at your limiting beliefs from the perspective of a successful person that you honor and respect. What would they say about your limiting beliefs? How would they look at them differently? How can you begin to look at your limiting beliefs differently?
With positive beliefs you can increase your revenue and decrease costs. The cost of your new belief is only the price of your time to think differently, read a positive book or listen to an audio program to assist you. Wow!
It is exciting to know that you can have control over your thoughts.
What You Focus on You Give Power To!
The unconscious mind has an unlimited ability to hold information; it never sleeps, and it is always absorbing information and data. Your unconscious intends to protect you in any way that it can; it kept you from falling off the bed last night, didn’t it? It was aware of the edge of the bed and kept you away from it, just far enough to be safe.
The problem is that the unconscious mind - about 97 percent of the brain - is not very smart, at least in a logical way. For this reason, you need to engage the conscious mind so that you will act appropriately. The limitation is that the conscious mind can attend to only about five things at the same time, and everything else fades to the background. Now, five bits of information is certainly a lot less than millions of bits of information, so you must constantly decide what those five conscious things ought to be.
For example: If you look for all the green objects in the room, you will find them, and if you look for all the yellow, you will see all the yellow. If you sort for all the mean people in the world, you will find them; when you look for what is working in your life, you will see it. Focus on what you want. Go for what you want and keep your focus on what you have chosen!
How about your significant other or a good friend? Is there something about them that bugs you? Now be honest. Most people would say, “Yes, indeed.” Now take something that bugs you and visually move it to the background. Next, focus on something that you like and visually make it big and compelling, full of color and life. Let it slide into the foreground. Wow. How do you feel now?
If you choose to spend your mind capacity thinking and stewing about negative things, sure enough, you will feel negative. I do not presume that we live in denial; I offer the concept that we highlight what is working rather than what is not working–in other words, what you have rather than what you don’t have. It is interesting to note that depressed individuals focus on what they do not have. If you ask depressed people how they feel or what their thoughts are, they will tell you about things that are going wrong or things they do not have.
Do you have legs? Some people do not. Do you have food? Some people do not. Do you have a job? Some people do not. No matter what your circumstance, you have something to be thankful for.
Focus on what you have, what you want, what is good, and what can be changed, and move forward in your life.
Darlene Braden is the author of - What Stops You? Overcome Self-Sabotage Personal and Professional. Do you want to achieve your dreams, goals and visions? Darlene’s F*R*E*E eBook shows you how. The BALANCE LIVING WHEEL Assessment will help you to have the life you have always dreamed of. http://www.whatstopsyou.com/Free-ebookwheel.htm
Create the Life You Want!
You are invited to download my FREE eBook - Creaete the Life You Want by visiting
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You will learn strategies that will assist you to immediately achieve your dreams and goals.
How Much is the Pinocchio Syndrome Costing You?
Increasing revenue is something that you need to constantly address and one way to do it is to decrease expenses. How much of your day is spent on thinking and arguing with your self? How much are the self-arguments costing you? What if you didn’t spend time on that? Can you imagine a day where you didn’t have a single argument with yourself? Let me explain how and why you may have those arguments so that you can recognize self-sabotage.
You can use a variety of ways to find out how you are sabotaging yourself. The first and easiest way is to acknowledge the daily conflicts that you experience. Conflicts occur when part of your mind wants one thing, and part of you wants something else. When this happens, there is a great deal of confusion. This state is very uncomfortable and, depending on the degree of the conflict, it can be painful with severe ramifications. When we act out of one side of the mind based on actions that we have suppressed we may do something inappropriate and damaging.
When we act out of the other side of the mind, the opportunity may arise when this side reacts as well. In this state of mind, there is a lack of peace, to put it simply.
Acknowledge the daily conflicts that you experience.
You may recall Jiminy Cricket in the movie Pinocchio. Jiminy Cricket is the small cricket representing Pinocchio’s conscience. The wolf and his friends constantly persuade Pinocchio to do things that are wrong. When Pinocchio begins doing something naughty, Jiminy Cricket jumps on Pinocchio’s shoulder and speaks up, telling him what not to do. At times Pinocchio listens, and other times he does not. He constantly struggles whether to listen to the wolf or to listen to Jiminy. Jiminy has to be very persistent with Pinocchio to get him to listen.
Are your conflicts about food, money or relationships? What is your “Jiminy” saying to you and why? What are you arguing with your self about? Can you come to terms with the two sides? How would your day have been better if you and your “self” got along and how much more money would you have made today?
Are you ready to let go of the Pinocchio Syndrome once and for all?
Darlene Braden is the author of - What Stops You? Overcome Self-Sabotage Personal and Professional. Do you want to achieve your dreams, goals and visions? Darlene’s F*R*E*E eBook - Create the Life You Want - shows you how.
http://www.whatstopsyou.com/create-the-life.html
